With tears in my eyes…

November 16, 2006 at 9:20 am (Teaching)

“Jay” is the 5th grade little girl with high functioning autism that I work with. I’ve always found that every year, no matter how bad my day is, I have a least one student that makes it turn around when I work with them. Jay is that student for me this year.

Mom is struggling with her at home. Work that takes her about 30 minutes in school is taking 5 hours to do at home (according to mom). Yes, I agree that if Jay is left on her own to do work independently, I can see it taking 5 hours. Mom is also upset, since Jay’s older sister, “Sandy” is the “perfect student”, top of her 8th grade class. I can’t really say what goes on in the house, but Mom is definitely frustrated.

I left early to go to a doc’s appointment yesterday, but an Autism specialist came in to observe Julia to help mom with strategies for home. At a meeting afterward, Jay’s teacher, my lead teacher, Mom, and the specialist sat down to go over things. Jay’s mom made a comment that has caused me to be in tears all morning, after hearing it relayed from the two teachers.

“When Sandy was born, I was so happy. We were having conversations by two. She was so smart, so good. I thought I was the perfect Mom. So then God decided to punish me for my pride, and stuck me with Jay.”

I know people say things out of frustration, but “stuck with”? A child as a punishment? Please, I hope this was just a comment made out of despiration.



  1. Deneen said,

    How sad a comment. Hopefully, it was made out of desperation. I will say that if she talks like this at home and her daughter hears it, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  2. Rachel said,

    Some people really should not have kids. I am sure she is a great mom to the other child, but because she is forced to face some sort of dilema with her autistic child, she believes that she is being punished and that’s bullshit. If it really were a task from god, wouldn’t you want to work through it and make yourself better in the eyes of “god” because you’ve overcome such a task. Personally, I think raising children is a huge task in itself and if you’re not ready to take on that challenge, no matter what may or may not be wrong with your child, you shouldn’t be a parent.

    My mom for example, always said “I got stuck with two kids while your father ran off with his girlfriend.”

    Oddly enough, after my father left, he never really left us, we were always at his house. We slept there every other night, and so on. My mom however, decided she no longer needed to be around to take care of my then 10 year old brother (and myself) and started going out and dating people and never being home and when she did come home from a night of drinking, she would be totally shit-faced.

    She used to throw that “I got stuck with two kids” card out at me all the time, but then I throw back with “I’m not the one who got knocked up at 17 and then again at 24, so don’t complain to me.”

    And I’ve gone off on a rant. Dammit. Sorry.

  3. Rachel said,

    Wrong should have been in quotes.


  4. Pink said,

    I hope “Jay” didn’t hear that comment, and I hope mom realizes she is lucky to have two kids, there are some people who are desperate for one baby, never mind two. I know that comment didn’t need to be made, I’m cross that some people can be so thoughtless and selfish.

  5. Another Mustard Post « Ramblings in a Lil Black Dress said,

    […] Wednesday, lunchtime, I meet with my “lunch bunch”, a group of fifth grade girls who are especially upset that I’m leaving. We eat lunch together, crochet, talk about random things, etc. These girls are all kids that I either service on IEPsor ones that I tend to help out anyway. My biggest happiness of that day? I taught my 5th grader with Autism how to crochet a chain. (The same one I talked about here.) I was absolutely amazed about how quickly she picked it up. Those tears came back, but for a good reason. Thursday, I was on a rampage. I had had enough with “Steve, all the crap that he’s shoveling at my kids, all the harassment he’s been doing to other staff members. I sent the superintendentof the school I work at an email Good Morning, Mr. [G] […]

  6. Kara said,

    Hey, knowing then family you’re talking about, and the kindness of the older daughter, I’m shocked that the mom slipped like that. Although, we know she’s been through some shit too. How sad. “Jay” is such a sweetheart, too.

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