My end at the DoD

July 27, 2006 at 5:37 pm (Forum Dramatics)

In the last 24 hours or so, there was a major eruption at the Dreams of Dogwood forum. As a result of my actions, I have been banned from the site, along with others. I’ve had a few hours to reflect on what I said, what others have said, and what I have been told has happened since. Since a lot of the cool DoD chickies read this blog, I thought I’d share a few thoughts.

One of the hardest thing for a person to do is apologize. It’s even harder for someone to realize that they in fact can be wrong about things. It’s a huge shock to the system to be told by so many people from so many different perspectives that you are absolutely wrong about something. One reaction to that could be accepting those words, and taking a step back. The other reaction is to lash out, and save face, even when your words make little sense, and contradict themselves.

The latter often sparks off more discussion, more attempts to correct a person in their ways, which spirals to more attacks, more contradictions. This goes on and on until it wavers out of control, and an authority figure puts their foot down. But where this foot is put down makes a great difference. Ending a conversation mid-stream leads to bias, on “who got the last word”. The feelings are still there, the confusion is still there. Little is done other than create an atmosphere of favoritism.

Favoritism and censorship go hand-in-hand. When rules are made to eliminate a certain topic of discussion, the brush should be wide. No one, including those running a forum, should be permitted to have their posts remain, while others are taken down. I believe that people running a forum should lead by example, and should follow the same rules and guidelines that they expect their member’s to follow. If they require that members step forward themselves into the open with complaints, than they should not play the spokesperson to the anonymous. If there is a hope for open and honest dialogue, than people shouldn’t be punished for their differing opinions. Posts should never be deleted simply because they didn’t make the administration team feel good.

Of course, I realize that forums are privately owned and operated. Rules are set up from the start, and changed when it’s needed. But they shouldn’t be altered and changed just to eliminate a single person, idea, or subject. If your desire as the runner of a forum is to have a private circle of those who agree with your thoughts, let your users know that from the get-go. And again, follow your own rules.

I find it slightly ironic that I’ve once defended the very bully that I came to locking horns with. And that I defended her against accusations of being a bully to a different group of people. I see now that I was very wrong, and I apologize to those at Crochetville who tried to make me aware that past actions really do carry forward. You all have the right to leave the comment “I told you so.”

One thing that made me very proud of the friends that I made at DoD, is that so many of them stood up for what they believed in, and tried their best to add constructive comments to the confusion. I knew right away that I wasn’t the only one having the thought that the situation seemed vaguely familiar of other forums we have been members of. None of them backed down, and all of them were mature in handling their absolute disgust with the issue at hand. For that, I applaud you.

That’s all for now. I’m sure I’ll add more later, as the week goes on, and more details trickle down to my level.



  1. Pink said,

    It’s a shame you could fight for her but not against her, eh? 😉

  2. Kelly said,

    I agree with every word that you have written. I would however like to add that anyone that says “they told you so” from any forum should be careful about throwing stones. We have all at times been bullied, and it isn’t a lot of fun. When the bully gets the same respect, it can get interesting. Doesn’t feel good does it?

    People in the shadows should come out of hiding, and learn how to use the PM area on the boards. We use it to ummm… avoid arguments… and ummm public humiliation. Or to say “hey did you mean me?” Atleast the bully in the school yard knows what it feels like now. Stop hiding behind invisible people that aren’t there.

    Thank you for once again being extremely eloquent with your words Sarah~ It’s refreshing to see that people have their own opinions somewhere in the world. I’m sure you wish your thoughts could be in the UK right now.

    To the banned everywhere! Including me Salute, and Goodbye~

  3. Kathy said,

    It’s amazing my first instinct was to wonder why someone had to defened herself so loudly, and I’m gone for a few hours and her friends ban you?

  4. Lucy said,

    Live and learn I guess….everything happens for a reason as confusing as it may be sometime. Hey, come visit my blog (don’t have a forum tho)….I won’t ban ya!

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